Random mumblings as another year goes by.

Many say I'm focused and always seem to have a goal - regardless in school, work, or in life. I don't.

Fall is definately not one of my favorite seasons and it has already been a year ago since my mom passed away (9/22 RIP). Aside from missing her a whole lot, I'm always asking why did this happen to someone nice and someone who did everything right in their lives?

She led by example and taught me everything from how to brush my teeth, cook a healthy meal, recognizing Chinese characters, and how to treat others with respect and care. Now she's gone. Sometimes I wonder the true value of life, and does it really matter if I do everything right and try my best? Apparently not.

To be honest I don't know what I'm doing; going to work, eating dinner, and going on holidays is just like the norm but something is missing. The feeling of emptiness that regardless what I do, I won't be able to change anything in the end somewhat bums me out. The only thing I'm doing is cherish those who care about me and be nice to them.

I'm really not sure if this is something that everyone goes through as they age - when they see loved ones die off one by one. I'm not talking about some retarded Joe Blow who kills themselves on the news; but I'm talking about people whom you've personally dealt with for tens of years suddenly being gone. I can name at least 15 close friends who lost their family member at a young age.

I'm still doing things I liked such as travelling, and two days ago marked my 16th flight of the year. I'm still continuing to try my best at work; and doing what I can for my family, girlfriend, and close friends. However Mom's lost battle with Cancer is just like a slap in the face. Everything can change drastically within a couple months and things that we've strived so hard to achieve doesn't matter, within a blink of an eye. At times it feels like regardless of what we do, it doesn't matter, nothing does.

Animal vs. Oh mighty lord.

It has been a month since mom's passing away and aside from adapting to the situation, I've also started to wonder what is the purpose of life and came to two theories. First one suggests that we are nothing but stupid animals pretending to be smart trying to decipher diseases, creating science, making up beliefs, and polluting the Earth. Second one suggests that there's some higher power playing a sick'n cruel joke on humans and breaking families and faith through diseases, accidents, and disasters.
What happened to old sayings that being alcoholic, smoking, or living with bad lifestyle will lead to untimely deaths? It doesn't work like that. Just as what happened to mom, we see that cancer amongst other diseases is just a random lottery that has a ridiculously high rate of hitting it. Just talking w/ close group of friends (aka. not any Joe Blow), I can already count at least 10+ immediate family members having someone pass due to cancer.
So that makes me conclude that either we are at the mercy of either some higher power that can destroy our lives with an itchy middle finger, or we're just animals trying to pretend we know what's going on. So when someone says 'lord has a better bigger picture' or 'you are better than this' - all I can say is 'that's a pretty lousy picture'; or 'nope, I'm really no better than this because I'm just an ape and I don't give a damn of trying to be better or nice'.
That said, I'm not saying we should be bad and immoral. We should be who we are, say what's in our mind, and just do what we want granted that it doesn't hurt anyone else (or any other animals) in the process. There were many phoney people over the course of recent events and what they are doing is just plain superficial which can be very evidently seen, and it really gets it to me when someone says 'everything is so orderly in the world so there must be a great maker'... yeah, my ass.

-Post from a dressed-up and over analyzing animal-
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9.22 A new chapter into my life

9.22 4:30am mom passed away.
She had been fighting cancer for 3 years and had been through a ton of trials. I am not sure if I would've been brave enough to weather the same trials if it was myself. CHOP/DHAP/SCT were not simple treatments and unfortunately the Lymphoma relapsed after SCT was performed. Mom's the bravest and prettiest girl I know, and her passing during a comfortable and peaceful sleep is a blessing itself. There's so much more things I want to talk with her about, but now I'll have to find her in my heart and feel the presence instead. Rest in Peace mom.

Testing Waters - Jam upload #1

Music is a great way of relieving stress, here's the first upload of our band with a simple tune from Pearl Jam - Lass Kiss:

Enjoying the weather

<- Pic courtesy of Ka.
I haven't been updating the blog much due to family errands, endless work, and studying - they had been occupying most of my time. Thank goodness for a long weekend for a breather to rest and chill. It had been 35-40 deg C during last month; one would hear the sound of AC's humming throughout the day and into the night. Thank goodness there were thunder showers last week which soothed the temperature a bit, and lessened the burden on our water depleted reservoirs. To take advantage of the nice weather, of course there's endless BBQs and gatherings! I'm very blessed to have a group of close friends who support me and all of them has their head on straight... hahaha. Afterall, it's our family and friends who makes us who we are!

Start to a series of weddings in 2k11!

Life's interesting. Some things you try hard but will never get, while some things will pop up when you least expect it to. As one of my close friends told me never second guess and doubt what could've been; this aligns with my genuine belief that all things happen for a reason, and it's usually for the better (for the good ppl out there lol). Striving too hard to try and achieve what's not meant to be is not good either and this reminds me of a recent popstar divorce in HK. Nick had been trying hard to stand by his skanky wife for two years throughout scandals, x-pictures, and attempted to forget the past in order to raise a happy family. However, human nature doesn't change easily and the couple is going across divorce procedures as infidelity rumors spread for the wife again. That being said, I attended my coworker's wedding last weekend. He's a tad older than all of us and very much a workaholic, we're all very happy to see him find his other half when he least expected it. It was a simple ceremony/banquet with some traditional rituals intentionally left out but in fact I found out that the meaning of marriage was conveyed more stronger than some ceremonies that had endless entertainment and games. Grats to the newly wed!

Let the music continue

And so.... the passion for music continues to flow. We've checked out a couple studios and most of them are pretty ghetto in dark rundown buildings, smoke/weed-smelling rooms, and water-dripping ceilings. However, fun continues as we jam into the night. We're still amateurs but it's a good motivation to keep all of us practicing and tryin to perfect that tune. Feels just like school again with everyone aiming towards a common goal lol.

Sunny skies across town

Weather was awesome last few days as temperature shot up to 30deg Celcius. What else to do aside from enjoying the sunshine with a group of buddies? As coconut will be delivering and myself heading to Austin later parts of the summer for work, we decided to move up our annual Center island outing. Part of the crew headed DT for lunch gathering before roaming across Lake Ontario. There were huge lineups of people waiting for ferry but luckily Ka got a bunch of tix for us without us having to wait crazy hrs.
Biking, chilling, playing frisbee/baseball, beating up busman, and fooling around with cute dogs were highlights of the trip.
Thx Jesse for bringing Buddy and showing us so many tricks, the huge dog in the pic belonged to a friendly lady there and I just had to run up to grab a pic w/ the giant Husky - reminds me of dogsledding! Stay tuned for more activities across summer!

New addition to the family!

As my guitar passion is regaining, along with motivation from friends in renting studio and jamming songs regularly; I've picked up a smexy sister for my elegant yet subtle Takamine... Please to introduce my red hot semi hollow electric... Oh yea... she's a beauty ;) I got them matching cases too! Weeeeeeee

2011 Doors Open

Doors Open occurs once a year and allows visitors to visit the site for free, and there are also rooms that are generally not opened to public which is open on that day. This year, we went to 3 stops - Redpath sugar refinery which has 80+ tonnes of sugar in its silos, King Meridian's hotel which dates back to 1902, and St.James Anglican church that allowed us to roam to the ceiling bell towers.
It was an interesting outing and very enjoyable with the current weather. I haven't been updating my blog for a while due to various situations I was in earlier. However, I'm glad I expressed my mind allowing me to move forward now; which also led myself in carrying some momentum into short term goals I would like to achieve.