Saturday, September 22, 2012

Random mumblings as another year goes by.

Many say I'm focused and always seem to have a goal - regardless in school, work, or in life. I don't.

Fall is definately not one of my favorite seasons and it has already been a year ago since my mom passed away (9/22 RIP). Aside from missing her a whole lot, I'm always asking why did this happen to someone nice and someone who did everything right in their lives?

She led by example and taught me everything from how to brush my teeth, cook a healthy meal, recognizing Chinese characters, and how to treat others with respect and care. Now she's gone. Sometimes I wonder the true value of life, and does it really matter if I do everything right and try my best? Apparently not.

To be honest I don't know what I'm doing; going to work, eating dinner, and going on holidays is just like the norm but something is missing. The feeling of emptiness that regardless what I do, I won't be able to change anything in the end somewhat bums me out. The only thing I'm doing is cherish those who care about me and be nice to them.

I'm really not sure if this is something that everyone goes through as they age - when they see loved ones die off one by one. I'm not talking about some retarded Joe Blow who kills themselves on the news; but I'm talking about people whom you've personally dealt with for tens of years suddenly being gone. I can name at least 15 close friends who lost their family member at a young age.

I'm still doing things I liked such as travelling, and two days ago marked my 16th flight of the year. I'm still continuing to try my best at work; and doing what I can for my family, girlfriend, and close friends. However Mom's lost battle with Cancer is just like a slap in the face. Everything can change drastically within a couple months and things that we've strived so hard to achieve doesn't matter, within a blink of an eye. At times it feels like regardless of what we do, it doesn't matter, nothing does.